Not that I really get to pick racial spokespeople..

As soon as I saw the first Youtube of Michael Richards racist outburst, I knew that Jesse Jackson would somehow enter stage left into the story. I really don’t think anyone elected Jesse to be ‘Jesse Jackson – racial spokesman’ and I’m certainly not stupid enough to believe that all black folks think [...]

Apparently they got the tree on Dickerson Road…

According to my wonderful friend Ivy’s Christmas tree post, Ivy has a very special, if somewhat expensive method of decorating the family (I’m not sure the word family actually applies here) Christmas tree:
“I put hookers on the ornaments”. I always knew that Ivy was persuasive…..
Most people put the ornaments on the hookers (i’ve HEARD), [...]

That’ll show him, or, Depriving Lil’ Kim of his toys..

I’m reading that the U.S. government is taboo-ing exports to North Korea if the item can fit into pee-wee Dictator Kim’s playhouse. No IPODs for YOU. No more sippin’ Hennessey while listening to The Game’s 808s.
Who are we kidding? Does anyone seriously think that Kim is going to be deprived? I think [...]

Death by copier, or, learning how to use our new copier is going to make my head explode

There is a team of copy machine engineers installing the machine pictured above in our office. Don’t let that picture fool ya. That sucker is 12 feet long. I’m not kidding. We had to move a guy out of his cubicle and tear down a wall in order to accommodate the [...]

O little town of Bethlehem, how clear..WAIT, What are you doing with Brighty, and where the hel..uh, where the heck is Ernie the camel…

There are so MANY aspects of this story that need to be addressed. Seems PETA complained to this church about their ‘live’ nativity, thinking that ‘live’ meant animals. The church responded and stated that no animals could possibly be hurt in their nativity because they didn’t use live animals.
PETA may have a [...]

I say civil, you say sectarian, I say Rumsfeld, you say all Iraqis are contrarians..

I would say that I’m enjoy the debate and fingerpointing going on in pundit-world and politico-world about whether or not Iraq is in the midst of a civil war and just exactly who is to blame for the mess over there.
I would be enjoying this, like I said, except the last two months of the [...]

Attention Tennessee travelers, Starbucks open at Manchester exit..

I go back and forth from Chattanooga a LOT. Traveling over Smiley’s mountain (aka Monteagle) on the way back from Chattanooga (on I-24) is sometimes a nerve-wracking experience when the weather is less than nice and the roads are slick and there are 6,324 large trucks racing down the mountain alongside your vehicle (my [...]

New ending for the Titan-ic…

Wow! Vince Young could probably be elected mayor after today’s performance or maybe co-mayor. How often have the Titans scored 24 points in one quarter? That would be NEvER until today. Thanks to a couple of giant Giant bungles, the predatory Titans led by Vince ‘hopefully forever’ Young pulled a rabbit, a moose, and several [...]

Only in the movies, or, Cut the red wire, NO, the BLACK WIRE, BOOM!!!

Nostalgia Central came up with a great list of 40 things you only see in the movies.
I could have come up with a few of the items on this list, such as:
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English [...]

Culture Club, or, it’s the Scotch-Irish in me..

A few weeks ago, we were in the middle of being enthralled by ‘The Departed‘ (Scorcese’s wonderful and violent movie about the intertwinings of the Irish mob and the FBI in Bawhston) when this song jumped off the soundtrack and kicked me right in the arse – turns out the song is by ‘The Drop-Kick [...]

You know what would taste good after all that turkey?…BARBECUE

Anybody up for some Mothership today, circa 12:30-1:00ish? MMMMMMMMM

Update: Well, what the lunch crowd lacked in quantity was more than made up in quality. The one and only Smiley showed up right when I pulled up. A person couldn’t ask for a better lunch (and probably dinner) companion. Good times…
I managed to [...]

I heard the news today, oh boy, and I didn’t understand a word, and somehow it didn’t matter…

Major network newscasts have been losing viewers by the millions. I’ve got a solution that is guaranteed to boost ratings and gain that all important 12-year-old to 90-year-old male demographic. Her name is Melissa Theuriau and she reads the news for some French TV network.
It doesn’t matter if we don’t speak French. Really. She’s on [...]

All in the family…what movie are we gonna see

I said it recently and I’ll say it again..Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. We get someone else to cook the turkey (Bro’s on Charlotte – a MEAN deep-fried turkey) and my mom cooks the veggies (she’s a pretty ‘mean’ cook herself) and my sister and her family come from St. Louis. My sister (and [...]

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro*

I’ve been tagged, twice, by Newscoma and Sista. They want to perpetuate the weirdness chain, as in list six weird things about yourself….hmmmm.
1. When I walk down stairs, I whistle. Problem is, I really can’t whistle. I blow some notes. I feel sorry for the people in the vicinity of the [...]

Things I’m REALLY trying to be thankful for..

The guy who dropped off the state car that I picked up late Wednesday for my trip to Chattanooga next week. He left it empty. When you return a state car you are supposed to at least leave it 3/4ths full. He has no idea who I am and probably didn’t think [...]

The best Thanksgiving movies, or, channeling the inner Del Griffith

Thanksgiving is the one holiday that hasn’t been screwed up yet (ok, I guess that Arbor day is in good shape despite the fact that the state of Tennessee does not see fit to give me the day off to go plant a tree). The Christmas tsunami has long ago overtaken the Thanksgiving holidays, [...]

Bill O’Reilly is an asshat

Ha, Ha, I’m protected. Wait a minute, that’s just a California decision…whooops. Bill O’Reilly is just a misunderstood HIPAA violator..

We wanted Kramer, but we got Michael Richards…a few really uncomfortable moments on Letterman

I was watching Letterman tonight because Seinfeld was on, and I figured that there HAD to be some convo about the Michael Richards meltdown, and I was really curious what Seinfeld had to say about the whole deal.
Little did I know..Michael appeared via satellite with Jerry on the show. Along with the audience, I [...]

If I catch that damn alarm clock…it’s gonna be sorry it was ever manufactured …

Somehow I think of Coble when I see this Harry Potter-esque flying alarm clock which is actually for sale in England.
“You’ll have to get up when this little baby starts, because it takes off and flies round the room, making a really annoying noise like a mosquito,
so you’ll have to find it first, before you [...]

Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing……..

because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon… you know, cause I’ve worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.

Bambi weeps…