When I was a kid growing up in Nashville there were certain certifiable truths that we took for granted. Being a ‘member of the church’ (if you are, you know what I’m talking about) gave you a shot at heaven (sadly those other churches were rife with false doctrine and quasi-Satanic teachings (i.e. Catholics). I began to see through some of that when I reached my teens, but one certainty I would stand upon (as firm as the rock of Gibraltar) was that Portland, Tennessee was the ABSOLUTE strawberry capital of the world.
It was a given..you think strawberries..you think Portland. In my college years I drove down to Memphis to see the Stones. A sign on the highway almost caused me to doubt my very existence: Humboldt Tennessee: Strawberry Capital of the World!. Say what??? I knew those flat-lander West Tennessee types were backwards, but I thought they at least knew the verities of life, including the REAL strawberry capital of the world.
Now, thanks to Google, I’ve discovered an even scarier truth (almost like finding out there are people you know in those Santa Claus suits): Plant City, Florida is ‘Strawberry Capital of the World’…wait a minute: Oxnard, California is ‘Strawberry Capital of the World’…no, no..Ponchatoula, Louisiana is the freaking ‘Strawberry Capital of the World’.
So now, in a world over-ridden with moral relativism and confusion, I would like some certainty. I want to know the truth. Let’s have a ‘berry-off”. Let’s bury the contenders, and crown the champs. I want to know that at least one of those facts I learned as a child holds up, doubtlessly and surely (at least as firm as the Rock of Gibraltar).