My candidacy for the Metro School Board

Dear Voters:
I’m for sale. I’m open to secret shenanigans, secret meetings, clandestine coffee klatches, and smoked-filled backrooms as long as I can get a cigar. I’m against gay marriage in our elementary schools and I promise not to attend any open forums where hecklers might belittle the fact that I think the jury is still out on whether the earth really revolves around the sun, as opposed to theo-centric center-of-the-universe placement that God proposed some 4,000 odd years ago.

I propose cutting the school budget by 25% and giving vouchers worth up to $1,000 to the lowest performing students so that they can attend some of our finest private schools which will welcome them with open arms, I am sure, along with funding property tax breaks for people who utilize any part of their homes for ‘home-schooling’.

I’m against new math and earnestly believe that global warming can cut down on the heating costs besetting our schools. I believe that no language other than english should be uttered in the classroom and in the halls of our schools. To paraphrase the words of a former governor of Texas, ‘if English was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for the schoolchildren of Tennessee!’.

I believe that Old Testament justice should resound in our schools including the stoning of any students caught smoking marijuana or huffing.

Please consider ME for your Metro School Board. I’m available for secret meetings throughout the summer.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “My candidacy for the Metro School Board

  1. I’m so glad your back!

  2. HJ

    John, the post is a bit sarcastic for my taste, but it is wonderful to see you post!

  3. So glad to see you back in the saddle!

    I had just SWORN you were gone for good.

  4. Wow…he’s back. Or is this just a getting the band back together for the summer reunion tour?

  5. Anonymous

    Give me link to SEO software (promotion, advertisement, etc.). I’m need it to promote my new e-shop.
    Thanks.–>

  6. Emmaline

    Hello! The babes are here! This is my best site to visit. I make sure I am alone in case I get too hot. Post your favorite link here.

  7. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

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