Death by copier, or, learning how to use our new copier is going to make my head explode

There is a team of copy machine engineers installing the machine pictured above in our office. Don’t let that picture fool ya. That sucker is 12 feet long. I’m not kidding. We had to move a guy out of his cubicle and tear down a wall in order to accommodate the new behomoth.

Here’s the kicker. We are going to receive a SIX HOUR TRAINING CLASS on how to use the damn machine. !geezer alert! I remember in the old days when you’d take a sheet of paper you wanted copied, slap it down on the glass, close the lid, hit the numeric keypad and then hit a button named ‘COPY’ or ‘START’ and wham, bam, thankumaam, the copy(ies) would appear in one of several trays. Back in those days, you could actually pull/twist/punch one button/switch and you could turn on a TV…blah blah blah..

To tell the truth, my machine profiency level peaked with PONG. I got that game. Modern video games befuzzle me. I hate the idea that I have to actually ask a secretary-type-person to make copies, but the odds are, they’ll understand the damn machine.

Hey, is Matlock on???



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7 responses to “Death by copier, or, learning how to use our new copier is going to make my head explode

  1. What kind is that? Xerox?

    I have a long and successfull history with many different brands of copiers. Those machines make me happy. I can answer most if not all of your questions. Chances are, I know those technicians too.

  2. It’s an OIC Variopoint 2110. Whatever happened to the good old Xerox days..

    I’d never heard of OIC until this sucker entered out building.

  3. I walked into the office about a month ago, and they were in the middle of their copier training. I snickered my ass off until I remembered how nobody knew how to use the fax machine.

  4. jag


    When the guy from Danka was in our office, asking me about the paper jam I called to complain about, he didn’t think it was very funny when I pulled up my Flickr account and showed him this.

    And for the record, I LOVE Matlock. Although I’m pretty geezery myself.

  5. My number-one gadgetgrouch rule is that “The more tasks you assign a piece of equipment, the greater the likelihood that it will fail at all of the tasks.” The correllary of that rule is that “any piece of equipment assigned more tasks than it’s original basic function is certain to fail at all of its functions–basic one first.”

    These new copiers that can accept print jobs from remote locations, etc. are a nightmare. When I worked at the publisher we had one that required intensive training. The day after the training I was the only one (out of 80) who could work it. And that’s only because I went ahead and shut off all the geegaw functions like remote print.

    KISS, people. KISS.

  6. Jeez. Something that big and fancy and taking six hours of training ought to be able to do your taxes, reorganize your Christmas list, change the kitty litter, and cook a small turkey on top of making copies.

  7. We just got a fancy-schmacy office copier thingy too. The damn thing is ALWAYS on the brink. I think it just has too many special features that can break down. Sometimes advances in technology are not a good thing. 😉

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