Oscars…get yer red hot Oscars, or, I’ve got your winners..book it!

Today, and today only, I’m going to tell you with ABSOLUTE certainty* who will win some of the Oscars tonight. I’ve had many years of viewing experience and have probably watched more movies than the number of goofy bills produced each session by our state representatives.

I’m privvy to the ‘rules’**. I know on which side the popcorn is buttered***. I’m ready to share.

Best Movie: The Departed. It probably really IS the best movie, imo, but this year the award goes to Martin Scorsese. That’s one of the rules, btw..make up for past ‘slights’ by awarding Oscars NOW. Anyway, bet the farm, your car, and that copy of The Declaration of Independence hanging in your garage.

Best Actor: Forest Whitaker. Just trust me on this one. You probably didn’t see ‘The Last King of Scotland’. I did. He rocked. He was also incredible on ‘The Shield’, which, yes, is a TV show, but once again, we’re talking critical mass.

Best Actress: Helen Mirren. Didn’t see the movie. Don’t have to. I know the rules. However, I would like to go on record that I support the Sarcastro Penelope Cruz’ theorem.

No, I didn’t see these movies. All I do know is, out of that list, the answer is Penelope Cruz.

Penelope really was smoking good in Volver, but las películas con subtítulos no producen a menudo a ganadores oscar****.

Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin. To steal once again from The Mighty Sarcastro: It’s another lifetime achievement type deal here. The movie was fun, but it won’t win best picture, because, hell, name a comedy that ever won Best Picture (well..not many do!).

Best Supporting Actress: Abigail Breslin from ‘Little Miss Sunshine’. She was good, but Blanchett was better. Young girls tend to do well here.

*Absolute certainty as defined by a guy who once actually purchased an IBM PC jr, quadraphonic hi-fi equipment and a Commodore Vic 20, but if you do lose money on this don’t be looking at me.
** English actors with good reputations who play historical characters even if that history is a few weeks old do well….that’s one rule. White liberal guilt is another BIGGIE.

***Buttered in the sense that the yellow sticky gooey stuff can be construed as butter.

**** Movies with subtitles don’t do well at Oscar-time.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Oscars…get yer red hot Oscars, or, I’ve got your winners..book it!

  1. Your predictions …
    They are HUGE.
    Man, that is getting a bit old now isn’t it?
    Naaaa.

  2. You left out the sure winner for this evening, and that’s our home boy Al Gore. Is there ANY doubt he’ll win?

    I really want Martin to win for best director. Soooo overdue, and The Departed is a worthy film.

    However, I think Babel might be a surprise winner.
    Quite frankly, the film floored me. I simply wasn’t prepared for it to be as good as it is.

    The sure winner tonight is Al! 🙂 (On second thought, I remember saying that late at night in Nov. of 2000) :/

  3. I’ll play — though in recent years, my picks have been not too spot on. One interesting note – since Little Miss Sunshine swept up the Indie Awards last night, it would be most fascinating if it won tonite.

    That said, I boldly offer take (and I had no secret inside source from ORNL … heh heh)

    Best Picture: The Departed
    Best Director: Martin Scorsese for The Departed
    Best Actor: Peter O’Toole in Venus
    Best Actress: Helen Mirren in The Queen
    Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine
    Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett in Notes on a Scandal
    Best Original Screenplay: Little Miss Sunshine
    Best Adapted Screenplay: The Departed
    Cinematography: Pan’s Labyrinth
    Art Direction: Pan’s Labyrinth
    Costume Design: Dreamgirls
    Original Song: “Listen” — Dreamgirls
    Best Visual Effects: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
    Best Animated Feature Film: Monster House
    Best Foreign Language Film: Pan’s Labyrinth — Mexico
    Best Documentary Feature: An Inconvenient Truth

    Final thoughts – go see Pan’s Labyrinth!

  4. Pingback: Nashville is Talking » On to more frivolous pursuits

  5. Mack

    I loved the sound effects choir. Great show, I thought. I hope I never get so jaded I can’t get into the spirit of the Oscars. Bang up job on the picks, Hutch.

  6. Great predictions! Looks like you only missed on supporting actress, and I think Hudson was kind of an upset anyway. Nice for her, of course, but that was a big win, all competitors considered.

  7. Vic

    4 out of 5 my brother! Now, are there any stocks you like?

  8. Mack,
    I was going to walk my dog during the Sound Effects Choir, thinking it was a filler. I was almost out the door when the caught my attention.
    How cool was that choir? I wonder how one decides that is what one wants to do when one grows up?
    I have no idea how that choir came about, but it was thoroughly enjoyable. When I have some time, I’ll Google them and do a story on them.
    Really fun choir!

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