Cleaning up the hutchmo way, or who the hell am i kidding..

People who know both Lynn and me know that neither one of us married a consummate house-cleaner or office cleaner. Looking slightly to my right (I guess your left) I can see three boxes of items that have yet to be unpacked from the move to our new house. I say ‘new house’ in relative terms, because our house is two and one half years old.

The subject arises because of the sudden plethora of housecleaning tips and sites springing up like so many irises. Is it spring, is it the extra sunlight that inspires us to mimic the earth’s renewal (or is it the extra sunlight that exposes some of the dirt and smootz that we couldn’t see during winter)?

Spring should propel us into the joys of March madness, blooms, baseball, renewal of ardor, as well as arbor, yet what do we have, we have HOUSE CLEANING. Yikes..

So, in the interest of going along to get along, I”m offering these timeless tips just to let you know that I too can contribute to the zeitgeist..

1) If you don’t do laundry it won’t do itself. Eventually you’ll run out of decent underwear and you’ll be forced to wear sacred, that is to say, holey strips of cloth that your mother told you never to wear in case of a wreck.

2) If you buy bargain paper towels (my tool of choice) with cutesy pithy saying such as (and I quote):

It’s the simple joys,

the simple pleasures,

The heart remembers

and dearly treasures.

You will NOT be on the receiving end of bargain-land. In fact, it takes about eight of these wastes of trees to do the job of one bounteous, thick quickerpickerupper, if you know what I mean (and you won’t get sick from reading toxic-ly bad ‘poetry’ written by the modern day Joyce Kilmers of this world)..

Heed my warning. That’s about it for me. I’m out of tips. I just so wanted to be part of the crowd…

Update: ooh, ooh, ooh…I thought of two more:

3.  Never ever mistake bleach for fabric softener.  Especially when your entire family wash is intermingled.   Oh, the looks you get (or at least so I’ve heard…)

4. Recycling is a lot more fun when you intersperse a few of those pesky bills in with all that other paper.

That’s it..really.



Filed under self-referential nonsense, tales of stupidity

2 responses to “Cleaning up the hutchmo way, or who the hell am i kidding..

  1. Ivy

    Haha, thanks for the link, John! Those are fab tips. 😀

  2. I like your tips even better than Slarti’s and Mack’s…I think you should be a regular contributor to Slarti’s series…sort of a “Real Guy for the Housewife, er, husband”…uh, never mind…joke bombed.

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