Nearly barefoot in Nashville, or really, where do they go..I mean really..

This one is really for the Home-Ec 101 women. This one has been the subject of every two-bit-brick-wall-lame comedian that has ever appeared on the comedy channel. Where do the socks go?

Some of this story may relate to the fact that my wife has been missing from the house for over a week (she knows where she is…). Not that she is supposed to be keeping up with my laundry, but the thing is..I’ve had more time on my hands than usual lately and I decided to take on the sock issue..

I normally do the laundry. Over the years, socks began disappearing during the laundry cycle at some indiscernible point. Tonight, while watching my basketball bracket begin to bleed (Texas A and M losing to Memphis), I decided to do a complete sock audit…gather em’ all up in one pile..launder them and attempt to sort them out. I now have 19 single socks that have no hope of a mate…kinda like singles night at the Battle Star Galactica clubhouse..

I can’t comprehend this. I don’t go places and take off my socks unless by some odd chance I’m actually within walking distance of an ocean, and even then, I don’t throw my socks into the waves. I don’t take my socks off at work, I don’t roll them off eating lunch at the arcade, I don’t slip them off for the walk home after work and I don’t toss them on the front lawn upon my arrival home. When I take them off I do what every red-blooded American does..I throw them on the floor. And then I put them in the laundry hamper (those last two actions aren’t necessarily linked closely by any space-time continuum). They always eventually get into the hamper. Eventually, I take the hamper downstairs to the laundry closet.

I don’t take the laundry out in the back, and I don’t take the laundry hamper for rides in my car. I dump the clothes into the washer. After the washing is done, the socks along with their clothing kin go into the dryer. After they are dried, they go into the laundry basket, where things are either folded or mated. There is no variation here, there is no alternative route.. Yet..socks continually disappear..not both socks in the pair..just ONE sock in the pair.

Yes, I realize that this is an age-old cliche and prosaic problem, but I remain buffaloed, befuddled, and bemused.

Yeah, I do have friends that pin their pairs of socks together before washing, but good gravy, washing is mundane enough without adding that chore before the chore. Is there any other trick, is there any other ploy?

I need hep.

signed, Somewhat sock-less in Nashville .

.

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36 Comments

Filed under Huh?, poor poor me, self-referential nonsense

36 responses to “Nearly barefoot in Nashville, or really, where do they go..I mean really..

  1. This is an age-old conundrum isn’t it? I have a collection of these as well and eventually will just give in and throw the mateless socks out and start the cycle over again. Makes no sense.

  2. Some of this story may relate to the fact that my wife has been missing from the house for over a week (she knows where she is…).

    OH good.. for a moment there I thought you put her in the dryer with the socks.

  3. BarbieMePlease

    Oh, nothing can make me mental like the single sock. I once spent 4 hours looking for the missing mate and decided I need to change my tactics. I did the pinning thing for a bit, but my dedication to doing that quickly faded. Now I just throw the offender away and if his better half eventually shows up, I send it the same route. I like to imagine they’ll be together eventually.

  4. I actually know the answer to this, because my ex-father-in-law was an appliance repair man. I also know how to solve the sock connundrum. I’ll post answer for you tomorrow, sweets!

  5. I have the answer.

    It’s the Sock Goblin.

    Well…that’s what my daughter told me.

  6. svanhoesen

    LOL! John, you definately gave me quite the laughing fit. I know this story is nothin’ new, but your befuddlement was quite hilarious. You made it so easy picturing you taking your socks off at the arcade and dumping your socks in the lawn before you step inside your home. Thanks for the wonderful imagery:)

  7. Riddle me this, sock wizards: How does one start out one fortuitous Christmas morn with a brand-new pack of a dozen pairs of black socks, and then end up — a mere two years later — with one pair?

    I don’t own any bleach.

    WTF?

  8. They probably run off with the white ones I get every year at Christmas, though damned if I can tell I ever got new ones before long because they’re nowhere to be found.

    Well, other than the occasional dog ingestion.

  9. Thus the reason why I wear a variety of Crocs at all time.
    No sock maintenance.
    And that is of the good.

  10. BarbieMePlease

    I have never tried Crocs, but they look like they would blister your feet.

  11. BarbieMePlease

    I have had a dog who would eat dryer sheets but not socks. No kidding, my mom’s Boxer would dig thru the laundry after you took it out of the dryer to make off with the Bounce sheet. My mom went all into a panic the first time and called the vet. He laughed and told her, “don’t worry, she’ll return it”. About a day later, on one of their walks, she did.

  12. Crocs are actually quite comfortable. Like walking on little rubber clouds. And no blisters; the ridged insides just massage your soles a bit.

  13. Sigh. No riddle here, Hutch. Pay attention please, I am a busy man and while I am always willing to help a brother out, I prefer it involve chain saws or moving something heavy, rather than addressing this easily solved “conundrum.”

    Look inside your dryer. You will see that there are “shelves” inside, and when it stops, sometimes socks come to rest on one. You reach inside, gather up the laundry, but fail to see this rogue sock. When you attempt to pair what is left, you have an odd sock. Repeat this process again and again, and, soon, (because you forget what you did with the original odd sock) you are imagining all manner of sock stealing goblins are responsible. It’s really a matter of centrifical force.

    My work is done here. Go in peace.

  14. If they figure out where socks go, maybe they can figure out how I managed to lose an entire ironing board.

  15. Dear Mack – I was so bereft, dolorius, and lonely that I did indeed check the ‘shelf’ when I was doing my sock ‘audit’. I checked places in the house I haven’t looked in a LONG time including under a couple of TV sofa cushions (I did bag 1.45$ there!). I realize that I am not nearly the housekeeper that you and Slart-meister may be, but I have understood laundry lore long enough to check the shelf..

    I’m still going with the ‘goblin’ theory.

  16. and hey…Barbiemeplease: You have things to say…where’s YOUR blog??

    Always room for more good convo and arguments (civil, of course..)

  17. BarbieMePlease

    well, truthfully, I do have one, but reading other blogs really just makes me realize how dumb and simple minded I am and I’m kind of embarrassed at mine.

  18. BMP- I thought Crocs looked scary, creepy until someone bought me a pair.
    They were amazing wonderul. They aren’t pretty but they are really groovy although I can see your anxiety about them blistering your feet.
    They are kinda weird looking.

  19. BMP – Considering I am blogging about losing socks, and I often write about my silly addiction to American Idol and that I’m so superstitious about watching Vandy and the Yankees that i have to sit in exactly the same place on the sofa when I’m watching on TV and go in exactly the same door at Vandy basketball games and give my ticket to exactly the same ticket taker every game and, I could go on, then I’m not thinking that simple-minded disqualifies one from blogging.

    I read your ‘diatribe’ over at B’s and even though we may be in different places and disagree on some fundamental things, you certainly have things to say and you say them clearly. That’s pretty much all blogging is.

    Come over to the Mothership some Saturday (i have no earthly idea where you live, so i don’t know if that’s in the equation for you)..I’ll buy the iced tea..

  20. BarbieMePlease

    What’s the mothership?

  21. where do you live, anyway?? what’s the mothership??

    lol..the mothership is to bbq, as Aunt b is to blogging.

    http://mothershipbbq.com/

    seriously..it’s good,actually wonderful, if you like pulled pork barbecue. the owner and chef is a blogger. he has a lot of blogging clientele. It’s located in the heart of berry hill.

  22. Barbie, I’ll buy you a brownie. 🙂
    Oh, and simple minded? Puh-lease…I just blogged about my annual, ahem, exam. LOL!

  23. BarbieMePlease

    Ok, now…where’s berry hill?

  24. BarbieMePlease

    And as crocs go, NC. Well, I suppose I might try to sneak a pair in, but my hubby HATES to see me in ugly shoes,….and he will definitely consider crocs ugly. But I guess it can’t be any worse than my Ugg slippers, which he just HATES! OOOOOhhhhhhh….SEXXXXAAYYYY!

  25. generally speaking, without asking specific information that would make me appear to be a stalker, BMP, where do you live? r u a nashvillian?

    berry hill is across thompson lane from 100 oaks, bounded by interstate 65 to the west..woodlawn cemetary to the east and I-440 to the north…roughly

  26. BarbieMePlease

    No, I’m a New Orleanean….transplanted to west Tennessee, near Jackson. So, Berry Hill is in Nashville. The hubby probably know’s where it is.

  27. BarbieMePlease

    Oh, okay I guess, just don’t expect much:

    barbiemeplease.blogspot.com

  28. bmp – you are in Newscoma territory! She lives in hooterville somewhat north of jackson, but she does come to jackson to play, shop, eat sushi and sup on some bass. I am witness to this fact…can’t say i noticed the footwear though.

  29. BarbieMePlease

    I know NC somewhat. She and my husband go back a few years.

  30. yo BMP..you definitely have things to say. Don’t know why you’d call yourself simple-minded. the issues you are discussing on your blog would certainly resonate with lots of people.

  31. BarbieMePlease

    Dunno, as you can probably see, my posts have not incited much dialogue.

  32. BMP – did many people know you have a blog? The only reason most people know I exist as a blogger is because of Nashville is Talking. If you want to get picked up in the aggregator, I’m sure Brittney would be happy to add ya.

    If I judged my writing on the number of comments, I’d be terminally depressed. This item is certainly an exception to my usual numbers.

  33. She doesn’t have her Atom feed turned on… I checked.

    Barbie, you might want to go into your Blogger settings and look for the section on Feeds and check whatever needs to be checked to allow people to subscribe to your posts, i.e., to turn on your Atom feed. For one, your blog won’t get picked up by the NIT (or any) aggregator without a running feed… but you’ll probably also find you’ll pick up more interactive readers that way too. Wouldn’t hurt anyway if you’d like to attract more visitors!

  34. BarbieMePlease

    I’ll think about that. I love dialogue. And my husband is more interested than even I am. His blog is: theycallmeed.blogspot.com, but he’s kind of given up on blogging, even though he DOES have things to say. I/we want to hear different ideas and perspectives, even opposing, but I want to hear the how and the whys that people got to where they are and not the the ususal: “you’re stupid and a bitch” or “have an intelligent thought,will you”.

  35. Pingback: Home Ec 101 » Blog Archive » Those mysterious socks

  36. Mir scheint es, Sie sind nicht recht

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