I’ve been studying the proposed immigration bill and I’m here to tell you that this one has something for everyone…
First of all: If you are here illegally, you must report to the nearest bar, down a shot of something with 10% or more alcohol. Take a second, and then a third shot. Then, recite the alphabet backwards while ‘signing’ each letter.
After successfully passing step one, acquire a degree in some really important field, such as engineering or astro-physics. At this point, either go back to your native country and apply to come back (the better the degree, the better your place in line), or, ask your employee for a low-interest loan of $5,000 to pay the government so that you can stay in the country for another two years.
When your employer laughs in your face (after all, you don’t have an important degree yet, right?), go to one of those popular ‘Our money for your testicles’ check-cashing joints where the interest accrues hourly and you have to pledge your car to get the $5,000 to pay the government in order to stay in the country for two more years.
Oh yeah, send your family back to your native country, so that they can get advanced degrees so that they can get a good place in line.
While you’re ‘raising’ the $5,000 to stay in the country, you do have to wait until the government sets up some kind of combination laser/high wall border impediment (this is known as a ‘trigger) which has to occur before you can really stay in the country for two years.
Oh yeah, after you pay the money, recite the alphabet backwards while signing each letter, work towards your advanced degree and saying goodbye to your family for two years, you have to go back to your native country and remain there for at least one more year. I guess you can work on your advanced degree during that time, while reacquainting yourself with the fam.
I may have left something out, but in the meantime, Happy Cinco Miles Day!
I’m guessing Tyson Chicken may have some openings in the near future, if you happen to be job-hunting.