Monthly Archives: August 2007

What is, ‘And if your right eye offend you, pluck it out, and cast it from you: for it is profitable for you that one of your members should perish’?

The answer: one of the top ten things the new ‘talking Jesus’ currently on sell at a Wal-Mart near you probably WON’T be saying…

talkingjesus.jpg

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Filed under Huh?

When is a benchmark not a benchmark

Bush at the State of the Union re benchmarks in Iraq:

“Iraq’s leaders have committed themselves to a series of benchmarks,” Bush said at the time. “To achieve reconciliation; to share oil revenues among all of Iraq’s citizens; to put the wealth of Iraq into the rebuilding of Iraq; to allow more Iraqis to re-enter their nation’s civic life; to hold local elections; and to take responsibility for security in every Iraqi province.”

The non-partisan Government Accountability Office recently issued a report stating that 13 out of the 18 benchmarks in Iraq have not been met. The Bush administration, maneuvering in a manner that baby crabs would be proud to emulate, is now saying that benchmarks were never realistic and that it’s unfair to expect the Iraqi government to meet such benchmarks.

So, there were definitely WMDS, then there weren’t, then we were showing the terrorists that we wouldn’t back down after 9/11, then we were getting rid of a bad bad man and bringing democracy to democracy-starved Iraqis who were going to greet us with hosannas and rose petals and laurels, and then we were going to do something else that I’ve forgotten. Oh yeah, we were gonna stay the course, and then suddenly we weren’t.

Now we have the surge and God knows what next. If the news is good, the Bushies embrace it, if the news is bad or doesn’t meet their standards, the Bush team just takes a jump to the left, then a step to the right. It’s not just time these guys are warping.

Meanwhile, there’s no THERE THERE. You can fight until every cow, sacred or not, comes home, but unless there’s a government that can govern, an army that can hold it’s own, and a police force that upholds the laws for ALL Iraqis, the cause is eternal and benchmarks, fossils.

Those of us against this war are not ‘Defeat-o-crats’. We’re just telling the truth. The Iraqi empire has no clothes. Here’s a benchmark that I can guarantee. Unless the Bush team and the cadre of loyal congressmen change their tune, the Democrats will be swept into power with large majorities next year.

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Filed under Iraq, liars

Chris Davis takes it to the house

chrisdavis.jpgIf there was a TV showing the Titans game in the strip club where Pacman Jones was ‘getting away from things’, Pacman might have had a sudden case of heartburn when he saw young Chris Davis return a punt for the Titans. It was Davis’ first punt return. All he did was take it 70 yards for a touchdown. Yeah, it was a pre-season game, and the Packers (Titans’ opponent) pre-game injury list was about as long as War and Peace with an emphasis on the ‘war’ parts, but Davis can burn and he showed some PacMan moves on that big return.

One of my favorite parts of last night’s game was the end of halftime. There was a pee-wee football ‘game’ going on, and the team on offense was helmed by a kid with number 10 on his wee uniform. Vince Young was coming out of the tunnel and he stopped to watch the game..Suddenly the diminutive 10 scampered wide left and ran in for a touchdown. Vince was clearly excited and held up ten fingers all the way to the bench. For those of you who don’t know, Vince’s number is 10.

Fun times at the stadium last night..

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Filed under football

No respect, no respect, I tell ya..

I came into the office this evening to run a couple of jobs that I wasn’t able to do while I was in K-ville. This is what greeted me in the hallway:

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There were a half-dozen of these signs. And, in the entrance of my cubicle, I was greeted with:

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Clearly, an overload of respect is something with which I am not going to be coping.

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Filed under friends and family, heh heh

The saddest country song of all time..I’m sorry, but it’s not even close

Ivy started something. You know Ivy – always started something. Over at Music City Bloggers, She challenged readers to come up with the saddest country song of all time. Many songs were proffered. At last glance, one commenter got it right.

Hear the lonesome whipperwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
Im so lonesome I could cry

Ive never seen a night so long
When time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind a cloud
To hide its face and cry

Add Hank’s high lonesome to those lyrics and this song out-sads any of those other choices. Cash’s rendition of ‘Hurt’ is mournful, but Hank is still the king.

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Filed under music

God watching over TV! or, things looking rosier for Friday Night Lights (or should that be rosie-less?)

I don’t really hate Rosie O’ Donnell. I suppose she has her place somewhere on TV, but I’m so glad to hear that she will not be emoting versus Kyle Chandler on one of the BEST shows on TV: Friday Night Lights. Rumors abounded that Ms. O’Donnell was going to play a soccer coach at our favorite TV high school. Not so, says TV Guides TV guru of gurus, Michael Ausiello, who tends to know these things. Ausiello was hoping that O’Donnell would be on the show…We can’t be perfect, Michael.

If you haven’t watched FNL yet, be sure to tune in or at least TiVo the sucker. It’s worth your time.  The nimrods at NBC are airing FNL on Friday nights in the upcoming season, which actually does sound appropriate, but generally portends the death knell for shows of this sort.

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Filed under TeeVee

Tales of stupidity, part 437, or ‘Hail Hail, Moronica’

If there was a board of Adult Behavior and they licensed people over the age of 40, I would be losing my credentials in the near future. I work for the state. I sometimes travel across the state. Last night I drove to Knoxville. Normally I drive a state car, usually a Taurus or Dodge Stratus. This trip I’m involved in training and I’m what is known as a SME (subject matter expert). I may be evolving into GD (general dumbass).

This training involves the delivery of Dell servers and hand-held scanners to the folks being trained. The vendor of the software that runs on the servers and ‘handhelds’ is the primary trainer, and cannot drive state vehicles. Like a big idiot (mistake number 1) I volunteered to deliver the equipment to each training site (they need the equipment as part of training).

The amount of equipment to be delivered does not fit in a normal cargo van. I discovered that the state has a box truck (much bigger than a cargo van, but not as big as a semi). Said cargo truck is tall. Way taller than any car or van I’ve ever driven. After a somewhat lengthy trip driving a somewhat uncomfortable-to-drive vehicle for 200 miles, my body and brain felt as if I had been Waring blended. I appreciate truck drivers more than ever now.

Anyway, I had reservations at Crown Plaza on Summit Hill Drive close to downtown Knoxville. They were nice enough to offer state rates and thoughtful enough to offer a covered walkway to the lobby so that patrons leaving their car in front of the lobby don’t have to be exposed to the elements. Said covered walkway has a strip of lights (think lights around a vanity mirror in a bathroom, except they have a LOT more lights). Said covered walkway is, say, about 7 and 1/2 feet high.

You may remember that I was driving a truck that is taller than anything than I’ve ever driven. You may remember the subject line of this post. Put those two facts together, along with a 7 and 1/2 foot covered walkway and you can imagine the destruction I wrought when I drove my truck INTO the walkway and wedged said truck cleverly in such a way that backing out would lead to yet more destruction.

Imagine the hotel employees and pedestrians glaring and laughing, respectively. I unwedged the truck, broke a few more light bulbs, bent the metal strip that holds the light bulbs into a shape that would easily fit into the Ghost Ballet sculpture and was directed to a ‘special’ parking light somewhere in East Judas. After my third trip lugging stuff from the truck across a parking lot, across a street, through another parking lot, down some stairs, through the ‘normal patron’s’ parking lot and up some more stairs, I was beginning to get used to people pointing and laughing.

Someday, after much paperwork is filed and people back at dispatch quit pointing and laughing, and after the facade to the covered walkway is repaired, I will laugh. Until then, I feel branded with a scarlet ‘D’ upon my forehead – DORK.

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Filed under tales of stupidity