Dear Abby, dear Abby

Advice columnist Abby recently came out – so to speak – with her declaration that she believes that gay marriage should be legalized. This pronouncement probably makes some people very happy, and some people very turned off. It made me wanna write a new verse or two for the old John Prine song*:

‘Dear Abby, dear Abby**,

I’m not feelin’ so great,

I’m a pink kinda guy in a very red state,

the love of my life shares a ‘Y’ chromosome,

I want him to live in our connubial home

signed, Gay-Tommy***

Gay-Tommy, Gay-Tommy, you have no complaint,

You are what you are and you ain’t what you ain’t,

move out of the red zone and cover your bets,

try moving to Canada or Mass-a-chu-setts..

Dear Abby, dear Abby,

I recently discovered a whole new world,

it just happened when I happened to kiss a girl,

I’m female you see, that kiss went to my head,

my question to you, can we legally wed?

signed – Sapphro-dite

Sapphro-dite, Sapphro-dite,

you have no complaint,

you are what you are, and you ain’t what you ain’t

stop pretending to like boys, and listen to me,

good luck with your lady and LEAVE Tennessee..

siiiiiigned, Dear Abby.

When I first read this story on AOL, I started reading the comments…here’s my favorite, and I didn’t change a word, letter or phrase:

love4664 10:26:54 AM Oct 10 2007
Report This!Gays in Lesbian are extremly sick people they are born sick and those who turns to be gay inl esbians is because you can’t find love in the oppsite sex so since they can’t find somone of their own to love they turn gay to me gays in lesbianare handicap people because they are born confuse something happen with their brains that they are born like that ihope someday they will be treatment for this kind of sickness. gay marriage is pretty sick and those having kids is more sick please what else this society is going to come up with?.

sheesh…

*The REAL song lyrics can be found here.

**My sincere apologies to Mr. Prine, his family and anyone who happens to know him.

**I’m not gay and my name is not Tommy, not that there’s anything wrong with being named Tommy.

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3 Comments

Filed under golden rule stuff

3 responses to “Dear Abby, dear Abby

  1. sauer kraut

    My name ain’t Tommy and I ain’t yer mommy and my verses, they is the bombie…

    go sox.

    Always remember that. Go sox.

    Cleveland? Who the hell cheers for Cleveland??

  2. Mr. John,

    Faaaantastic.

    I can just hear Mr. Prine singin’ ’em. In that inimitable John Prine key.

    Honestly, they’re funnier (and more constructive) than Noisemaker’s letter.

    Good wishes to you and yours!

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