Scene: A seemingly forsaken warehouse somewhere in the south side of Chicago. We see stairs leading to the basement..if we look closer, we see a sign – ‘Terrorists Entrance’. We peek inside…around a red-stained round table sit a dazed looking Barack Obama, William Ayers, the ghosts of Huey Newton and Harvey Milk sharing a bench with Angela Davis, along with a lot of other shadowy sketchy-looking leftist-types all wearing ‘Che’ t-shirts sipping on some concoction that appears to have beets as the key component…listen closely:
Obama, in a trance-like whisper: ‘Yes, William Ayers, the word ‘Allah’ will be substituted for ‘God’ on every government building and all coinage’.
Harvey Milk pours forth: ‘And, Barack, don’t forget the boy scouts..you’ve GOT to demand gay scout masters..in fact, that should be mandatory, and the military…not just don’t ask, don’t tell, but the military should be 100% gay. The fighting elan factor would never be higher..the comraderie, the themed uniforms, the life in the trenches…you’ve GOT to do this Obama’.
Obama nods his head.
Angela Davis rises, fist upraised and her heart uplifted…’and abortion..not just on demand, but as a demand, for all women who want to raise their children as Christians or as heterosexuals’.
‘Yes, Sister Davis’, Obama says without blinking, with a thousand yard stare seen more commonly in the nearby shooting galleries.
‘And Brother Obama’, a wispy Huey intones, ‘only atheists on the Supreme Court, and they really should be Muslim atheists, if you know what I mean’.
Angela raises her fist towards Huey and in a sharp voice barks, ‘They need to be female lesbian Muslim atheists Huey’, while Harvey milks his beet frappe, nodding to a Joy Division tune only he can hear.
‘Back to the Boy Scouts’, a leering Ayers rang out ..’we should only allow DWARVES instead of boys..boys should be in re-education school learning why white males are the lowest form of carbon-based life in existence’
‘Sing on bother William’, a surprisingly spry Newton spat out a fig and spoke some more, ‘And those Bush-Cheney bastards..let’s break into the archives, find all the things they did wrong and send em’ to Folsom prison. Maybe one of our pyrotechnical friends will conjure up a burning bush, if you know what i mean’.
Chuckles all around the table.
Ayers scratched his head and exclaimed..’oh yeah, those dwarf fake boy scouts..they’ve gotta be GAY’!!
Amens abounded, bouncing off of the posters lining the wall – Mao, Fidel, Ted Kennedy, Stokely Carmichael, and Dave Kopay.
‘What about gay marriage?’, chimed in Milk. ‘Don’t you think that people should sign some kind of document stating that they have had at least a gay thought before they are allowed to be married’?
‘Marriage, smcarriage’ snorted Angela D. In a free and open society, the ashes of chattle-dom should be buried along with Christian broadcasting, and Christian schools’!
Ayers aired out a hearty ‘Amen’, sista D’, before glancing over at Obama to make sure he was still under hypnosis. ‘We better hurry up, we gotta get Brother Barack over to Grant Park for the biggest speech of his life’.
‘You’re right’, Harvey Milk-ed, but one more thing: ‘All TV shows must contain at least two egregiously pornographic scenes and no violence’…
At that, Obama awoke with a smile on his face…’my dreams have come true…watch out America’.
A scant moment later, Barney Frank drove up in a black limo, and whisked Obama away to make the speech of his life..
uh, i’m kidding, you know. It’s going to be ok, really..I promise.