Category Archives: movies

Italian Spiderman – what’s left to say?

Worth it for the mustache alone..

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Filed under apocalypse now, Huh?, movies

You know it’s going to be a bad/good movie when..

It’s going to be bad if:  Cuba Gooding is in the movie, if Robin Williams is the star of the movie, if Ben Affleck and/or Jennifer #1 (J-Lo) is in the movie, Ice Cube (how the mighty have fallen) is in the movie, if, sad to say, Jessica Biel is in the movie (come on Jessica, I know you got a good movie in ya) or if the eight funny lines in the movie were all in the trailer.

It’s going to be at least interesting if: Don Cheadle is in the movie, if Christian Bale is in the movie, if Laura Linney is in the movie or if Cate Blanchett is somewhere in there.

We saw ‘Talk to Me‘ tonight.  Cheadle deserves Oscar talk for this one.  His speech (on the radio, he plays a real-life disk jockey from the 60s/70s) the night Martin Luther King was shot moved the movie from good to great.  The music was great as well.

You know it’s gonna blow if it’s ‘_______  III’, cept’ maybe for Rocky III.


Filed under movies, the shiznit list

My favorite name to say out loud..

Gerard Depardieu. The trick is, you say it slowly, with nasal, and one syllable at a time. I thought of this because we saw Monsieur Depardieu in a stimulating calvacade of film last night at the Belcourt. The name of the flick is Paris Je T’aime and it consists of 18 short films by 18 different directors. Each film-negtte was shot in a different sector of Paris.

The marvelously cheek-boned Maggie Gyllenhaal plays a narcotized actor in one (Maggie steals my heart every-time she appears on screen in any movie). Lotsa other folks you would recognize show up (Natalie Portman and the deliriously wonderful befuddled Steve Buscemi are two other highlights).

The film ends with a mid-western American’s ‘high school French’ rendition of her trip alone to Paris. At first you’re thinking…oh shit, it’s another Ugly American story, and then as it unfolds, you realize that she has a wonderful, if lonely, heart, and there is no patronizing attitude a’tall.

Recommended for movie lovers..great soundtrack.. Oh yeah, one of the bits has vampires!


Filed under movies

Grinding it out with Tarantino and Rodriguez, or if you’re only going to see one zombie movie where Rose McGowan has a machine gun for a leg, THIS IS IT..

You’ve probably heard by now, but in case you haven’t, ‘Grindhouse‘ is actually a double feature. The first film, ‘Planet Terror’ is probably one of the funniest and bloodiest zombie B movies since ‘Evil Dead’. I wish I had invested in fake blood packet stock before the making of Grindhouse – it would have been like hitting the LOTTO number.

In Rodriguez-world all the women wear tight shorts, everyone has guns that never run out of ammo, and the dead just keep on coming. The joint is loaded with bad puns, both visual and verbal, including a clever not-what-you-think ‘got you by the balls’ quip.

Everything is either on fire or being blown up. Limbs go from akimbo to limbo. The cast is first rate, led by a fiery-hot Rose McGowan who has good leg. Josh Brolin, as a conniving abusive doctor could be a young Kris Kristofferson (I really thought it was Kristofferson with amazing fountain-of-youth makeup at first). I’m not the only person who caught this resemblance – Mark of Dork Nation has an excellent write-up of the film including the Kristofferson reference.

Both Tarantino and Rodriguez go to a lot of trouble to make the movie ‘Big Show’ vintage, worn scratched-up print, missing reels and all – the timing of the missing reels is exquisite (if not a bit frustrating..).

They even throw in fake coming attraction trailers – my favorite is ‘Werewolf Women of the SS’ (directed by Rob Zombie), with ‘Thanksgiving’ a sickening second.

Tarantino’s contribution (Death Proof) starts slow with way too much jabber. If you’ve ever seen Tarantino on the Tonight Show, you know he is a hyper-active talking maniac. I could ‘hear’ Tarantino a little too much in every stinking conversation for the first two reels (kind of like when Woody Allen writes a ‘woody allen role’ for another actor…you can pretty much hear Allen’s voice). Once the fun begins aka THE car chase (featuring a wonderfully scarred Kurt Russell), the film becomes grounded in solid ‘B grindhouse’ territory. And holy Fireball Roberts, it’s one heckuva car chase.

This film could do for Kurt Russell what Pulp Fiction did for Travolta..Russell brings the ‘john carpenter’ joy into this role.

All in all, definitely worth seeing if you love the zombie world, don’t mind about 15 gallons of fake blood and 10,000 rounds of bullets, not to mention mayhem. Rose McGowan, playing a role Heather Mills might wish for, is the charmer of the movie…one scene, an homage to Crouching Dragon, Hidden Tiger, features McGowan almost flying in slow motion, into a nest of zombies, machine-gun leg blasting those damned evil dead into pulp fractions. It’s the kind of scene that makes a movie-geek way too happy.

One word of warning: This ain’t a movie for your young kids or your mom for that matter. I always find it amazing that people bring their little kids to movies like this – it happened again today. The good karma news is that the mother is going to be wakened every night for a week dealing with the kid’s nightmares..serves her negligent-ass right.


Filed under movies, the shiznit list

If you’re ever laying around too weak to get off the couch or switch the channel, and this movie called London comes on, and you think,….oh, Jessica Biel…don’t bother.

Everyone knows that your standard of acceptable TV watching dips into the sub-Maury levels when you are on your not-quite-spinning sick bed. Food and drink do not tempt, but the TeeVee gapes…I’m only typing this as a warning to all you youngsters out there..I don’t care if you do drugs or drop out of school, I implore you, DON’T WATCH this movie called “London” starring Jessica Biel. Yeah, Jessica is not hard on the eyes, and no, I haven’t yet figured out if she can act or not, because I’m kind of still looking for clues, but for the love of all that is decent and plot-worthy, watching two guys wax philosophic over cocaine drippings in an pretentiously infinitely mirrored bathroom is what I’m kinda guessing a stage in hell might seem like.

This is a train wreck of a movie, dropping I’m guessing straight to video or digital or whatever movies drop to these days when they bypass the cine-e-ma. I don’t want to waste much more time even writing about this and I’m starting to feel woooooz-ey again about right now, but I do believe in the cautionary-post, if not tale.

It’s a boy meetz girl meetz drugs loses girlz takes more drugz kinda winz girl back movie that finishes up at the airport. Let me just say – any director or writer that would actually show a guy in a car, parking said car at the front entrance of the airport, and leaving said car parked AT the front entrance of the airport without even a tra-la-la from the airportpolicenazis, should have his screen guild card voided. This movie was made in freaking 2005. Does anybody eeeevan care anymore?

Back to bed…


Filed under Huh?, movies, pop cults, tales of stupidity, Uncategorized

British invaded, mostly lost again – American mostly idyll

Tonight was British Invasion night (that’s the 60s invasion for you youts out there). That’s a good theme because there are tons of songs from that era with actual tunes and hooks…surprising how many songs are flung out on the AI stage without any glimpse of a hook.

Once again, there are really two shows going on here: Melinda Doolittle, and everyone else. Melinda’s main competition, Lakisha picked the wrong James Bond theme and the wrong Shirley Bassey song. She chose ‘Diamonds are Forever’ instead of ‘Goldfinger’. There are some serious notes in Goldfinger..not so much in D.A.F.

The ‘if my voice is weak show more skin theory’, expounded by the late Antonella B, was resurrected tonight by the first singer, Haley Scarnato. Haley is no comet. She chose a song, ‘Tell Him’, that could hide her voice. She wasn’t awful, but her outfit will get far more comment than her singing ability.

The guys shone a little more tonight, led by the beat boxer Blake. He did an inventive version of the great Zombie’s tune ‘Time of the Season’ and made it sound interesting (it’s a great song, but it’s been played to death on classic radio, to the point that it’s really hard to actually HEAR the greatness of the song anymore).

The afro’d Chris Sligh did another Zombie’s tune: Tell Her No, and actually did the song justice as well.

On the other end of the scale, Sanjaya actually may have done the world a favor by butchering a Kink’s song (You Really Got Me). If you didn’t know this, the Davie’s brothers – Ray and Dave – really really can’t stand each other. The sheer awfulness of San-man’s version may unite them, at least for a night or two (‘he did WHAT to our song??’).

I was really hoping that San-man (puts you right to sleep unless you are an 11 year old girl, and then he will make you cry because he’s just sooooooooo cuuuuuuuuuuuute) would sing ‘Do the Freddy’, the worst British Invasion song ever, by the hopefully non-revived Freddy and the Dreamers. ‘Do the Freddy’ is to real British Invasion music, as an after-school special on violence is to ‘The Sopranos’. In fact, Sanjaya SHOULD be singing on afternoon specials…THAT’s his audience.

Gina chose a Stones tune. I love the Stones. I love the song ‘Paint it Black’. It’s one of the greatest songs about losing a loved one ever written, but it is not a singer’s song. The competition’s only near-rocker, Gina’ attempted it, but it really didn’t work. She shoulda tried ‘Honky Tonk Women’ or even ‘Wild Horses’.

Tonight’s host were Peter Noone and Lulu. Lulu had one really great song – ‘To Sir with Love’, and based on what I heard tonight, she still can sing. Peter Noone didn’t bother singing tonight. Herman’s Hermits (Noone’s group) were what mother’s of the 60s urged on their children instead of those dreadful Stones and Animals.

I was kinda hoping for Eric Burdon and Marianne Faithful…now THAT would be a show.

It was fitting that Melinda Doolittle ended the show. She came out, and in three notes swept the rest of the peeps from the stage.


Filed under movies, pop cults, TeeVee

Absolutely, positively fearless predictions that you can take to THE bank (uh, can you hold that check until pay day?)

1. Florida will NOT repeat as NCAA men’s basketball champ. Too many teams will watch the film of Vandy taking Florida OUT.

2. You are going to hear the name of Kate Middleton so much in the next few months that you will be longing for the pristine early days of Paris Hilton.

3. Katie Couric will not be the CBS Evening News Anchor by mid-2008.

4. Howie Kendrick is going to hit a TON this year for the California Angels.

5. Fred Thompson’s name will be mentioned more than 12,500 times in Michael Silence’s blog before November 2007. Fred Thompson WILL re-register to vote in Tennessee in the next four months.

6. Despite being absolutely the best ‘over-the-air’ show on television right now, ‘Friday Night Lights‘ will be canceled and will not be on the air next season. Studio 60 is gone as well.

7. The Spice Girls will get back together and they will suck inhale deeply just as much as they did before.

8. Bill Hobbs is going to be embarrassed by at least one fellow blogger during ‘Bloggers on the Hill’ day.

9. Spiderman 3 is going to take itself a little too seriously this time around. Nonetheless, I will be a paying customer.

10. Bob Clement will discover bloggers about ten days before the mayoral election.


Filed under apocalypse now, baseball, basketball, blogs about blogs, movies, politics, pop cults, TeeVee