Category Archives: self-worth

The political* speech you’ll never hear

Ladies and Gentlemen, fellow congressmen/governors/senators/legislators/teammates:

I have disgraced my office/team, and more importantly my marriage and my family. No one has figured out what I’m doing. My name will not be appearing in court papers, in any blogs or in the mainstream media. I’ve been committing adultery/embezzling funds/taking bribes/having sex with interns/consorting with gay jugglers and I have been getting away with this for many years. I’ve been quite careful. In fact, if I wasn’t telling you this today, I would still be continuing my illicit behavior for years to come.

It came to me last night when, like so many other nights, I had trouble sleeping. What I’ve been doing is wrong. I don’t need anyone to report me/expose me/subpoena me. I need to stand up and say to you, the press, my colleagues, and more importantly, my family, that I have behaved abhorrently. I don’t expect you to forgive or forget me at this time. I’ve done nothing to deserve your mercy.

I am resigning from office today and plan to spend time with my family if they will show me the grace and mercy I do not deserve. If I do enter some type of treatment, trust me that you will not be privy to details of my entrance into treatment, my progress during treatment or my post-treatment behavior. I pray that someday I will have lived long enough that my life will clearly reflect my deep sorrow and remorse.

Thank you for listening.

*or athlete speech

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Filed under friends and family, self-worth

Another lesson on not judging a book by its cover, or, He more than phones it in

I may be the last person in the kingdom to have seen this, but you probably won’t mind watching it again if you know the story of a remarkable, rather odd looking, young man in England who was a contestant on the English equivalent of ‘American Idol’. The English version is not necessarily looking for pop stars, as you will see here.

The before and after shots of the judges are worth noting. From a near-sneer to adulation, in just a couple of minutes. In my case, my eyes start getting dusty about 1:20 into this clip.

Ladies and Gentlemen – Paul Potts

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1k08yxu57NA%5D

Talent and worth aren’t always packaged in any way, shape or form we can predict.

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Filed under music, self-worth, the shiznit list

What she said..(Ginger)

If you haven’t read Henri Nouwen*, you should. Ginger did. Wow.

*Yeah, Nouwen is a Christian priest and writes about Christianity. I don’t care if you believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster or Buddy Holly or Satre/notmuch, he’s worth reading, esp. the ‘Wounded Healer‘.

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Filed under friends and family, journey, self-worth

Stress points, or, it’s what’s being served in the blog-a-teria

Seems there is a whole lotta stress shakin’ going on if a few key blogs can be considered barometers. I once read an article somewhere about how you can assign stress points to events such as weddings, divorces, job change, job loss, moving, empty nesting, new baby, etc.

The article assigned a set amount of points to each event, with the idea that a certain total ought to lead to counseling or therapeutic treatment, with another threshold leading to brain-shredding explosiveness.

I’m not explosive yet, but this last week has been something else. My work group has been moved to new confines. Moving on any level sucks rocks. The move is just a matter of incremental steps and will be over at a finite point in the near future. A much more stressful piece of news is the fact that our work group is being reorganized and placed under different supervision*. I love my supervisor. I love my current bureau. I can’t state that fact any other way.

Other events that I’m going to no longer discuss except under threat of gun-play have certainly contributed to said stress.

Today, Lynn and I returned to East End United Methodist. For many years the idea of ‘church’ was anathema, a cauldron of boring stew, with renewable guilt. I think people need community and accountability and forgiveness and safe havens. That’s what church SHOULD be…

Today, a few simple words in a confessional prayer pierced me deeply,

‘we know that change happens every day, but we don’t like changes in traffic patterns or in the church or in what feels comfortable’.

As Grandmaster Flash once said…Here’s a MESSAGE for you. Transformation is part of the deal, and you can accept it, reject it or ignore it. I’m 54 and I really really don’t like changes that effect me personally and consequentially. I’m Newton’s law personified. I like changes in the weather, changes in music, changes in transportation, but I want to live in my own damn comfort zone, thank you very much.

Here’s a few other things I don’t particularly care for:

Your will be done. Turn the other cheek. Love your enemy.

Right now, I’m really wanting to ignore those principles totally. Right now, I need to listen to Sam Cooke, open my heart and accept that not only a change is going to come, but I’ll be all the better for that change.

But, sweet fancy Moses…I don’t have to enjoy it..

*I love my job. I’m not complaining about my job. I’m not overworked, but I have lots to do and I love that.

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Filed under friends and family, golden rule stuff, self-referential nonsense, self-worth

Body parts, or, what’s the skinny here

Unless someone stumbles into Salemtown still reeling from the effects of a trip to BizarroWorld, nobody is going to mistake me for Adonis. I was blessed with pipe-stem legs and arms. I could have done something about adding some tone to the stems, but apparently it hasn’t been important enough to me to implement corrective action.

From the time I was a junior in high school until I was 38 years old I weighed nearly the exact same weight. I could wear the same pants, the same belt, the same shirts, if they had endured all those years. When I was a kid, my head grew to adult size, which coupled with my stick-figure body, led to an Ichabod Crane look that I learned to live with,despite the mostly friendly taunts from friends, and the concerned looks of the church women who were certain I could be ‘cured’ by a steady dose of casserole and their own special dessert squares.

Generally speaking, and there is an obvious recent exception, most people don’t insult large/overweight people to their face or in a way the insult can be easily heard (or seen). It, for good reason, is considered rude and untoward. For some reason, telling someone he ‘looks thin/skinny/unhealthy/sticklike’ has always been considered ok. The adult version, in fact, of the childish taunt is the pseudo-concerned face when expressing, ‘have you been ill’? This query, when asked by a close friend means one thing, but when posed by semi-strangers, is nothing more than a thinly disguised: I look ok, you don’t.

After age 38, my metabolism changed. The mountains of food that had heretofore been filling my empty stempipe leg or otherwise metabolised, suddenly begin loitering around my mid-section. For a few years, basic non-strenuous exercise could keep the pooch from pooching. Sadly, the war of the middle became a battle of non-attrition in my mid 40s, and the pooch pooched outward. An operation two years ago that basically opened me up from chest to pelvis didn’t completely heal, resulting in a hernia-like condition where muscle protudes slightly between the not-quite-closed curtain of my torso. If you look closely (and I’m not suggesting this!), you can see a weird shelf-like protrusion if I stand a certain way in a slouch. Obviously, I attempt NOT to stand that way and slouch.

Back in the day, back in gym class when I would see all these better-developed guys (don’t snicker….), I would be envious. I imagined a world where I would be judged by my form and outline, and worried that my prospects for acclaim, love and marriage would be as thin as my upper arms.

Gladly, at least for men, our form and build is not normally conflated with our worth, our personality and our ability to be a whole person. The fact that women don’t get this same break is fairly obvious in the world of entertainment and sadly, evidenced quite clearly in the recent blogger-dustup.

I’m not here to begin to say that people making fun of my bodysize or my skinny arms and concave chest were near the equivalent of what women go through when we ‘appraise’ their form. I can tell you it used to bother me a lot when I was younger, and that gives me at least a hint, a clue into the world of bodytype=inherent worth.

There is an old adage that supposedly helps a person get up in front of a room full of people when they are scared to speak in front of a crowd – ‘imagine everyone in the room is naked/wearing only their underwear’. Yeah, I guess this does rob the audience of some of their dignity, but I’d prefer a room full of people who understand that mental, physical and spiritual health have little to do with the way I, or they, look.

I’m off to Bizarro world……….

Pic above is from HERE.

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