Monthly Archives: December 2006

Two unrelated football notes..

I would put these on the Staggering Prophets, but they’ve switched to Blogger ‘Beta’ and I refuse to follow suit.

1) Coach Jeff Fisher should be the NFL coach of the year. Show me any other coach that has done what he has with similar talent including a lot of young players (and of course the ever-dynamic YOUNG player). I don’t think it’s even close this year.

2) I’m heading to Alabama for the New Years with some long-time friends. While I’m down there I’m thinking about suggesting that the ‘Tide’ hire Rex L. Camino to fill their way-too-long head coaching vacancy. His creativity, slyness and humor would go a long way in the washing-themselves-of-the-Shula-full-boring-routine-offense. Also, for line coach I’m suggesting Glen Dean. You don’t need the zany folks to keep the line in check. Dean would be a solid steady choice.

Let’s go Titans, and Happy NEW YEAR!

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Festivus for the rest of us, or, my name may be Earl…

Ok, this is a purgitive hoping to release the bad mojo I seem to have accumulated. This second stupid winter cold (sorry, Sarcastro) is bringing me down, so I will not be able to perform the traditional feats of strength. That leaves us with the airing of the grievances:

1) damn cars. You finish paying for them, and guess what. They *)*^^ die on you.
2) Damn car payments for the ‘new’ car you had to buy because (see item 1)
3) Damn my Gateway work computer. I’ve griped about this before, but I remain underwhelmed
4) screw the people that stole our wind chimes. They were folk art from Mentone. They weren’t worth much but I loved those stupid chimes.
5) I’m no longer upset about the fact that my doctor almost killed me during a routine biopsy (i’ve written too much about this before), but I do get disturbed when I see the bills
6) I’m an idiot for not backing up the files on Item #3 above because the crack Help Desk squad had to re-image my stupid computer and manage to ‘lose’ about 30 key folders and all of my AS/400 macros (don’t ask)
7) For all the people who don’t understand what YIELD means when they see that sign on the southern Metrocenter off-ramp, I’m running out of patience. You’ll some day get your ass yielded right back to ya
8) For all the people who don’t know how to count or don’t care to count at the 15 items or less line at my neighborhood Kroger, I hope you need something fast from the DMV.

That’s enough…i feel better now. Happy New Years to each and every one of you (except for a few of the folks involved in items 1-8 above).

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Life as high school – freaks, geeks, and Friday Night Lights

If adult life is REALLY a replay of high school, this guy would not be the least bit happy. Even though there are some high-school-like-moments in every day adult life, I’d like to think we have progressed somewhat.

One of my honest-to-God theories of TV script writing and creation is that really good writers are still trying to figure out high school and/or they were the geeks or outliers who never were accepted in the upper clique/caste system.

In fact, I think some of the greatest TV shows in my lifetime ARE shows based on high school, many of which totally jumped the shark when the kids went to college.

Witness: Freaks and Geeks – an INCREDIBLE show which practically proves my TV theory all by itself, In fact it was so damn good, that it, like Arrested Development, drew few viewers, proving that the great American public (unlike readers of this and other fine blogs) is somewhat moronic.

My current frame of reference is ‘Friday Night Lights‘. I hadn’t paid much attention to this show until the other night when NBC ran a ‘FNL’ marathon. Holy acne-cream, that show is GOOD. The writers clearly understand high school boys: somewhat neanderthal wanna-be hunters and collector warriors who respond chiefly to two primal forces: sex and meat. The dialogue is pitch-perfect and the writers don’t skimp on the female high-school world either.

Other Hall of Fame High School Shows: Happy Days, Beverly Hills 90210, Buffy, Dawson’s Creek, DeGrassi Junior High (ok, i’m stretching the years a bit) and Veronica Mars. So far, Veronica Mars hasn’t been destroyed by her collegiate days, but I do think the show is a little weaker.

I don’t think the TV writing world can even grasp college…I mean, how many GOOD college shows have there been? Does Felicity even count?

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Elementary, my dear Bush, and Nixon, and Ford

I came across this insightful comment while reading Wonkette.

Ever notice that when Bush does one of his “condolence” speeches, he always looks and sounds like he’s giving a fourth grade book report?

“Gerald Ford was a decent man. He was president in 1974. He lived for 93 years. He had a dog once. His friends called him Jerry. He had children, at least one of which was a daughter.”

The comment is from the fertile mind of The Trucker Pundit.

Actually, Ford was a decent and good man. He also gave a great assist to the Democrats (and the campaign of Jimmy Carter) when he pardoned Nixon. He did sponsor one really goofy thing though…During his term, inflation was raging, thanks in no little part to the man he pardoned. Nixon rather hubristically decided that wage and price controls would be his administration’s counterbalance to inflation. Even for a liberal-type such as me, that WAS a goofy idea.

So, Ford, usually not being nearly as dumb as you’d think from the SNL skits, eschewed the Wage and Price controls for a ‘bully pulpit’ campaign called ‘Whip Inflation Now‘. They whipped out thousands upon thousands of buttons for citizens to wear, bearing the ‘WIN’ slogan. Sadly, at least for Republican-types, this may have also contributed to the rise of Jimmy Carter.

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Gateway to hell….

Into my christmas-ey spirit there is now an intruder,
my hatred and loathing for my Gateway computer,
oh how badly I long for an artful fisk,
aimed at the corrupted FAT and the ailing hard disk.

Damn you and your cow-hided advertising ploy,
your clunker-de-clankers have stolen my joy.

But of these problems, there will be no rid,
as long as the state says, merry christmas, LOW BID.

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Two chairs, or, a different take on that old John Waite song…

On my wife’s side of the family there are 9 ‘kids’ including our three. Every even number year we trundle out to Kansas (this year we flew*) to be with the ‘Ownby’ side. We play board games, we go to movies, we watch football and mostly tell stories (many of which I can repeat verbatim despite the fact I wasn’t a known quantity at the time the stories took place and didn’t even know anyone named Ownby).

This year there were two empty seats. My nephew is in the Army and is about to be deployed to Iraq and was unable to make it to Kansas for Christmas. I have had lots of family in the military. I am firmly against the war in Iraq. I firmly support our troops. Anyone who says otherwise about me can kiss my asterisk, firmly and completely.

The other empty seat was my daughter’s. She is in Peru (sorry to be repetitive, but this is kind of an emotional thing for me) and enjoyed Christmas in the Peruvian manner (this involves eating a great deal of food, drinking a great deal of the local ‘shine’, and attending mass, hopefully in some coherent fashion).

When we said the grace for the big Christmas meal, my brother-in-law mentioned the two who weren’t there for Christmas. After the prayer, the father of the Iraqi-bound nephew, and the father of the young woman in Peru went off in two separate directions (away from the food). We both returned with rather reddish eyes.

You don’t have to be as old as me to appreciate the joys, the anguish, the warmth and the grace of family. You don’t have to have kids to enjoy the season. But, you really do have to have an empty seat to understand this deal. Many people outside of my family had empty seats this Christmas. I pray that in two years when we return to Kansas that those seats will be filled and that the empty condition for many others is temporary, as well.

*I am not scared of flying. I hate the hassle. I hate the idiots that used footware and thought about using liquids as incendiary devices. I hate feeling guilty for no reason when I go through the security lines. I hate that friends and family can no longer be at the gate to greet you eagerly. I hate the damn narrow seats and the lack of legroom for those of us who fly ‘cattle’. I hate the prices of the concessions once you’ve passed through the security. Flying used to be something I really looked forward to, because I am not a frequent flyer. In my mind, flying is hardly worth it unless you are traveling many many many miles. I’m shutting up now, but I’m still bitter.

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Peep THIS!

I made it to 25 Peeps. I probably won’t last long considering that I’m missing two key assets….

Take a look – and you better move fast!

25peeps.com

My picture is courtesy of Wonderdawg and his thumb!

Update: Thursday, December 28th..I’m about to be un-peeeeped! It was fun while it lasted!

Update: Friday, the 29th (AM): Reprieve from the governor, I’m off the chopping block for now. Well, actually the governor probably has better things to do like picking a new commissioner for my department, but thanks to someone(s) out there, I’m alive…despite some obvious shortcomings in comparison to those around me.

Update: Friday, the 29th (PM): Lunchtime check…I’m peeped no longer. It was a good four day run. Neither ripped nor breasted, I did my best.

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Merry Christmas from Wichita…

That tall white edifice is a grain silo, and I’m NOT kidding.

Christmas is actually great out here, but I’m missing my daughter like crazy.* Merry Christmas and/or Happy Holiday to each and every one.

*the daughter is in Peru serving in the Peace Corps

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Take me to the bridge, Maceo..

If you’ve never listened to James Brown – Live at the Apollo, please find a copy and pay heed. Never anything like it before or after. Pretty much every rapper/hip-hop artist stole something from that album/CD.

Hope you’re feeling good wherever you are now, JB.

Thanks, and Rest in Peace.

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What’s flatter than flat, or, it’s the reverse Wizard of Oz Christmas trip

Dorothy (and many other sensible people) dreamed of LEAVING Kansas. Just to be contrarians, we’re heading Kansas-ward. I’m always glad when we get to Wichita (our Christmas destination), but if you’ve ever seen Wichita, you’ll know the irony of Shawn Colvin’s wonderful song: Wichita Skyline. A skyline, Wichita has NOT. I think there’s a pretty tall grain silo close to downtown, but this ain’t no cosmo(politan) and it certainly ain’t no party in the big scheme of cities. However my wife has a great family that somewhat counterbalances the wonder that is Wichita.

A big deficit of going to Wichita is actually getting there. See below for a slight hint what the terrain is like.

Merry Christmas to one and all, G.O.P.er or Democrat, progressive or regressive conservative, Bredesen-Christmas-card-is-no-big-deal or mountain-out-of-a-molehill-types folks that didn’t care much for the card, vegans and six-meat-buffeters, and to anyone who has ever been nice enough, confused enough, lost enough or weird enough to read this blog. Thank you all.

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I wouldn’t be Sean John, I’d be doggone, or, what’s next Diddy, kitty?

Whoops..looks like Diddy’s Sean John’s clothing line has more bark than faux bite. Coats advertised as ‘faux fur’ actually were made with fur of the doggy (not the Snoop kind).

I guess it’s kinda like taking songs from Sting and Led Zeppelin and putting a little rap over em’ and calling them originals. Looks like Diddy’s line may be going to the fashion pound. I’m afraid that Macys is gonna hold Diddy down.

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Tower-ing bankruptcy inferno, or, We still have Grimeys!

In the early 1980s when Cats/Turtles was the only semi-cool record in town and Nashville was yearning for Hard Rock/Tower/major league status, the news that Tower was searching for a location in Nashville was happy-making news. I actually knew the person who was the ‘location scout’ and she told me that the old Graces Plaza on West End was probably going to be the place.

I visited often, even when I had no money to spend, just to listen to what was playing over the store’s speakers and to gaze at titles the likes of which I had never seen..there were rows and rows and rows and rows of CDs. There was a closed-in room JUST for classical music and a pretty damn good folkie section in the front.

Yeah, the clerks were hipper than you and you and you and me, and their tattooed-tude wore thin, and the disdainful looks I received for having the nerve NOT to know what obscure oddity was playing over the speakers were not soon forgotten. But, I forgave them, because they HAD the entire Sam Cooke catalogue, and they had all this great African music I had heard about…

But, the overpricing, the downloading of America, the Wal-Mart effect, Best Buy along with the IPOD pretty much doomed the Tower. They gave us an imprimatur of hipness, but we caught up pretty quickly.

It’s gone now*..I did take advantage of the deep-gash discounts found in the final days, but I really don’t miss the place much.

We have a better CD/record store anyway. The music is just as hip, but the clerks shed their ‘tude at the door. If Grimeys doesn’t have it, they are happy to order it for you. I love the location, the selection and ‘the help’. Sometimes, smaller is just better.

*oddly, the Tower website doesn’t mention the passing of the store.

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Our governor’s a card, and ‘surging’ in Iraq…


To the 43 people who are upset about ‘the’ card and the 167 people who still equate the debacle in Iraq with the real war on terrorism, I don’t understand you, but I wish you the merriest of Christmases and the happiest of holidays.

Here is kind of an explanation…Wishing peace on people all over the world (even those who don’t look like us) is pretty much a Christian thing. I’m not sure I want the earth, but the peacemakers apparently get a pretty large inheritance.

Many of us who have always thought the war in Iraq was a horrid mistake are not against all wars. We are just against STUPID wars. We want the Taliban cleansed from Afghanistan. We want pressure put on those mid-eastern countries that hold telethons to raise money for the families of suicide bombers and who stone little girls when they dare leave their school without the proper clothing. We believe that the terrorists in Darfur and the Sudan need to be defeated. Bush can surge all he wishes in Iraq, but it’s not working and most of us know it. We are not against the war because we hate Bush. We’re against this war because it was the wrong war and too many people are dying so that Iraq can disintegrate into a thousand pieces.

I don’t understand you, but I’m supposed to, and I guess that’s what Christmas is really all about.

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Why would you trust your kids with this man?

Apparently this kid didn’t have to wait until Christmas dinner to get the Christmas goose. Sister is apparently reeling from the after-effects of the goose.

This is a bank Santa. I’m guessing that Santa is going to be ‘asking’ for a ‘loan’ as soon as he ditches the kids.

Santa’s got a in a brand new bag….

Thanks to this Chicago Tribune special feature:

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To the kids who fabricate the Scene’s Fabricator


BITE ME. We had fun. Damn shame that Nemesis Boy has outed himself herself and didn’t appear, or else we could have once again been exposed as solipsistic witless dupes…oh, wait a minute….we didn’t name Nemesis Boy as the blogger of the year…

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Seeing the forest…or, Ok, even though I like to schedule my own thankful days, I’ll do the thankful Thursday thing…

I’ve written a lot lately about the many wonderful people I’ve met (especially in my West Tennessee Blogger Tour disguised somewhat as a work trip*). I’ve been really lucky to get to know (and I’m not going to attempt to list them all) folks like Kerry and CLC and Sista and so many more. Without blogging, and without Brittney and her wondrous work, it wouldn’t have happened.

But, I want to devote this post to the person to whom I am most grateful. She’s not a blogger. She’s met a few and knows that they aren’t crazed ax-murderer types (at least not the ax part). She tolerates my blogging and blog-reading most of the time (i get a LITTLE obsessive reading your blogs). She has put up with my idiosyncratic behavior, and irascibility much longer than my parents did. She’s a person of abundant energy and talent (witness the painting on top of this post). She’s a talented cook and a great date. I’m not going to go all ‘B-Dub‘ on ya and describe the outcome of some of those dates, but I can tell you we have three children and none of them were conceived immaculately.

I told Lynnster sometime during my western swing that I’ve already received my gifts for this year – getting to know so many of YOU. I’m being soppy I know, but the greatest gift of them all is my wife. I think she is beautiful and I know than she is more patient than Job could even dream.

Sadly, neither one of us married an organized person, but we did manage to organize our thoughts well enough to marry the right person (well, I did at least..)

So, thanks to Lynn for the last 29 and 1/2 years…..

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Hope I die before I grow up, or, tell me about the tacky sweaters George, tell me…

My usual up-to-date radar on what is trendy was jarred when I read MY Tennessean and discovered the smart set were scouring Goodwill and their weird aunt’s closets and chiffarobes for ugly, tasteless, LOUD, sweaters to wear for their trendy outings to trendy clubs. Actually, I now realize that if I read MY Tennessean to find out what is cool, I’ve already pretty much lost the war.

Anyway, besides some possible questionable activity spurred by trying to purchase sweaters from homeless people, I wanted to point out a rather odd quote from one of the women interviewed by MY Tennessean for the sweater story.

…..So when she moved to Nashville this year, she brought her newly found Christmas tradition with her and persuaded 40 friends to participate in their first-ever “tacky Christmas sweater pub crawl.”

They wove in and out of the bars on Demonbreun Street, drawing attention from other bar hoppers with their flashing sweaters and jingling hems.

But Ainge and her friends didn’t care about the stares.

“There’s something to be said about not caring what people think and having a good time,” Ainge said. “I can’t wait until I’m older and I can wear holiday sweaters all the time and it’ll be completely appropriate.”

I had always thought that the beauty and grace of growing old was based on the wisdom garnered from a life well lived, or enjoying the grandchildren we hope we’ll have someday (no rush kiddos!) or being able to shoo young hooligans off the yard while brandishing a cane. I better start stocking up on holiday sweaters…you know I always wanna be appropriate!

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Dear Jameson Suites in Jackson

Thank you, thank you, thanks. This is not snark. This is no sarcasm or disco. That amazing full-force-astro-blast-kick-ass shower head and power-blast water flow was magnificent. It beat the hell out of that weak-shit-flow in the Memphis Sleep Inn.

I used to have a birthmark on my left arm. Your shower took care of that..whoooowheeee. I’m a new, much cleaner, man. I know we’re suPPosed to be conserving water, but sweet minerva-of-the-woods, I love that shower.

thanks for having me, Jameson Suites in Jackson.*

*this was not a paid endorsement. In fact, I’m just about to pay THEM.

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The blogger gods must be crazy, or the West Tennessee blogger tour continues..

I’m actually occasionally glancing skyward, expecting to see a laptop fall in a nearby parking lot. This evening as I was driving eastward into Jackson, I decided on a whim to call Newscoma to see if there was ANY chance she was near Jackson and if there was ANY chance she’d want to have some dinner.

Earlier today, I had my long-anticipated lunch with Lindsey of Theo/Geo fame (well, long anticipated by ME, wonderfully tolerated by Lindsey). I finished up my bizness in Memphis around 12:30, scooted over to Huey’s on Madison in time to see Lindsey strolling down Madison. I love the Huey’s. I get the same exact Huey burger and onion rings EVERYTIME I go there. More importantly, I loved chatting with Lindsey who didn’t give me that mean look I once saw on her blog, even once.

I’m literally old enough to be her dad (in fact, I am OLDER than her dad)..sigh. She was nice about it all, and I continue to be impressed with her smarts, her wit, and her Target earrings. So, thanks, Lindsey. You rock…damn, i forgot to ask about the deflated balloons in her hair from earlier days.

On another note, Lindsey, in person, reminded me of Ivy. In fact, she could be her little sister, imo. Does this make her my blog-sister-in-law???

Soooo, tonight,as i stated earlier, I call the Newscoma. I understand that West Tennessee covers a great deal of territory and that just because NC lives in W. Tennessee doesn’t mean she would be near the Jackson area just because I called.

Of course, not only was NC around the area, she was already THERE shopping with the Rodent Queen. The blogger gods smile upon me.

We ate sushi in Jackson. I was surprised to find such a thing, considering that most of the West Tennesseans I know call this stuff bait. Dinner and convo exquisitely delightful.

So, in summary, after I got through the pesky work stuff, my day turned out very well. Thanks, Lindsey, Newscoma, and Rodent Queen.

PS. Good luck with the car issues, Lindsey.

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Getting schooled, or, Sometimes there are some pretty large cracks…

I came across this devastating article about public schools thanks to CLICKED. Before I write about the article I should say that my wife is a public school teacher, all three of my kids went to public schools from 1st through 12th grade, we have many friends who are teachers and another good friend who was on the school board until recently (sadly, she was foxed out..).

I am a strong proponent of public education even though I spent 16 years in a private school (Lipscomb – which may explain a lot). Public schools don’t get to weed out the miscreants, slow learners, non-english-speaking kids and the kids who are different. I also believe that charter schools should be given more of a chance round these parts to better deal with some of the so-called fringe kids. I believe that a voucher system would destroy the good public schools along with the bad, but I digress.

My belief in public education is why I was so frustrated last summer when Kay Brooks* was maneuvered onto the School Board. Kay is a home schooler and has a lot to say about education, but should not have been party to another fine Crafton/Craddock plot (in my humble opinion). She had every right to run for office and I’m glad she did.

I’m slowly winding my way to the major point – public schools often do a piss poor job of dealing with outsiders. Let me pull a quote from the article:

When you read about the problems with American education, you usually read a bunch statistics about literacy and dropout rates. But those statistics don’Â’t do the subject justice because the problem with American education is a human story. Every dropout is a human being, every illiterate teenager is an individual, every teen that commits suicide was somebody’Â’s baby, and every kid that’Â’s doing 20 to life is a real breathing person full of potential.

People are too quick to criticize parents, teachers, administrators, and students. The failure of government education isn’t theirs alone. It’s every American’Â’s fault because we continue to allow the unrestrained growth of government schooling. Haven’Â’t we learned anything from our own experiences in government schools?

The author of this piece, Steve Olson, seems close to wishing the entire system destroyed, even though he backs away at times. Where he hit home with me is when he mentions ‘zero tolerance’..

The top students learn the system. If they are free thinkers, they hide it, because they’Â’re after top grades and independent thinking is too risky and unpredictable.

What’Â’s different today is the nature of the mediocre and poor students. They don’Â’t confront and challenge us like they used to. They seem brain dead and indifferent.

Our zero tolerance policies have created a larger gulf between the students and us. From the late sixties until the mid-nineties, the students and their culture were somewhat accessible. Today they completely shut us out.

Our younger son was ‘zero-toleranced’ right out of Hillsboro for one year – he got caught with a joint. He did a stupid thing and deserved to be punished. What happened to him made his stupidity sound like accidenal littering.

He was placed in an alternative school with elementary school furniture and elementary school-like textbooks. I use the word textbook lightly. They were actually workbooks, many with fill-in-the-blanks. There were no after school activities and no required counseling sessions. The kids were basically in a place where they were told they were defective and could not learn. Our son began to buy into this nonsense and we pulled him out of school. He got to go back to Hillsboro for his senior year, thankfully, and despite what a moronic vice-principal told him, he got to graduate with his class.

I saw first-hand how the school system deals with the so-called alternative kid. He was treated the same way as if he had bought a gun to school. Once again, he deserved punishment and he had to deal with severe penalties from the legal system, for which my wife and I remain very grateful.

Particularly galling was the fact that several students at Hillsboro the same time my son was expelled got caught passing counterfeit money in Green Hills. They were suspended and not expelled which is curious considering it was a federal offense. Oddly, that crime was not listed as a ‘zero tolerance’ offense. My point is that zero tolerance policy is ridiculous, not that those young men should have been treated as stupidly my son.

If you want to read another story about school malfeasance, please read Ginger’s post about what happened to her daughter and how the school handled the situation.

Like I said above, we still need public education. I’m not ready to throw the whole thing out, even though home-schooling is a viable option for some and our schools have failed so many. The author of the article is quite bitter, but considering his story, I probably would be as well.

*I wrote some mean things about Kay Brooks in regards to her school board tenure. I don’t regret my belief that she should have not been named to the school board. I do regret my mean-spiritedness. I’ve been told by many people that Kay is quite nice and quite friendly. She certainly has important things to say about education. If I were looking for advice regarding home schooling, I would start with Kay. Our politics are quite different, but that is actually quite irrelevant in the great scheme of things.

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